The Truth I’ve Been Avoiding
What am I supposed to do next?
Here’s the truth I’ve been avoiding…
I’ve come to realize that there’s always a new edge, always a next level.
For most of my life, I struggled with anxiety, depression, and C-PTSD. But after 25+ years of deep work — healing trauma, making career shifts, and transforming my life — I wasn’t in pain anymore. It felt like such a relief! A miracle.
A possibility I didn’t even know was possible.
I thought I had reached the finish line. That I could finally live ‘happily ever after,’ right?
But here’s the thing… does it really work that way? Can I stay in this place of contentment, or am I slipping into complacency and avoidance? That’s the question I’ve been wrestling with this weekend.
Rest is part of the process, and it’s okay to pause. But when you stay there too long, you start avoiding the discomfort of the next step, the next challenge. It’s like hitting a fitness goal and then skipping workouts. Your body — or in this case, your mind — starts to get out of balance. You feel like you’re avoiding something but can’t quite put your finger on it.
Resistance has become my companion. Sometimes it tells me to slow down, set a boundary, or be more resourceful. But it’s tricky. Other times, it makes me stubborn, rigid, even defiant — leading to missed opportunities and buried stress. How do I know when to listen and when to push through?
I’ve been down this road enough times to know there’s always a way forward. But it takes a conscious shift — like easing back into fitness after a long break.
You don’t run a marathon on day one. You start small, build momentum, and gradually regain your strength.
If I’m being honest, there’s a version of me that’s emerging now — wiser, stronger, a modern elder ready to lead. Not as a CEO, but as a master of my own energy and destiny. She’s been dormant for a long time, a latent possibility.
And if I’m honest, I’m a little scared of her. I know there’s no growth without destruction, no new life without letting go of the old.
I’ve had many rebirths already, and part of me wants to avoid another one.
But the first step is recognizing where you are. No shame, no guilt — just awareness.
So, I’m going back to my core values. What do I truly want? I also ground myself in nature — it’s why I had to write The Last Ceremony. Nature reconnects me to my body and emotions and lets me sit with discomfort instead of running from it.
Avoiding the next step might feel easier, but it only brings more confusion and disconnection. Real growth happens when we stop avoiding — and step into what’s next…what’s next?
